I'm getting there

This week was very productive for me. I finished my "thesis" paper for graduate school! Whoop whoop! I met with prospective internships, and even had a job interview, although, I hate to admit may not be the most ideal choice for my professional goals. What would be the best fit for my goals?

I have some of "soul searching" to do before I begin to understand what I want to do with my life. Why does our society try to force us to decide this when we are 18 years old? I guess I already know the answer to this question, but I don't want to have just one career the rest of my life- hey, I've already had two! I need variety. I need constant... what do I need?

Maybe it is the insomnia that makes me question my life. Or maybe it's my lack of success in my professional life that gives me insomnia. I mean, I've always said I'm completely satisfied with mediocrity. (I know, how sad is that?) Why the sudden need to feel successful? Why the questioning? Why the self-deprecation?
I think so many women my age go through these feelings. Then, they have babies and those feelings turn into pride for their children and being a mom. Is having babies a way to escape the feelings of not having a successful career? An excuse to stay home? A way to be satisfied with mediocrity?

I do want to have A child, but when I'm a little more mature, ready for the struggles, ready for selflessness. I'm not there yet. I do want to have a successful career, not a mediocre, blah, job. I already have a one-of-a-kind true love story. A wonderful husband who loves me more than I'll ever be able to put into words- I know, he tried during our vows. My marriage is anything but mediocre, so why do I doubt I can't have that in a profession. And further more, why do I need more when I have a stellar personal life?